It's Been a While...

But Isa’s still writing! I suppose life’s kept me busy and I haven’t been in the mood for sitting down.

So here it’s what I have been up to lately, alla bullet :

• A and I have discovered the joys of Cairo’s public transport. Yes, you read it properly: we have been travelling in the big M (what can I say, we live dangerously!) and youknowwhat? It’s actually ok. It’s not as smelly/scary/crowded/never on time as I imagined it would be. So, yeah, we survived that one. Unhurt.
  
  
• Eid El Adha came and went. I know when this particular Muslim festivity is approaching because this is what I find when I open my children’s bedroom window.
  
  
  
  
  
  Yup. This, my dear reader, is a Cow. In all its glory.
  
  
  
  Now, you know me, I’m a city girl. I don’t know my farm animals very well and up till before I moved to Cairo It would have never occurred to me that one Cow (and not a very fat one, mind you) could excrement so much in the space of fourty eight hours. Its like a constant flow of brown coming out of the thing. My house still smells of Cow shit.
  
  
  We called her la Vaca Lola.
  ***Editors note: Animal rights activists, Hindus and simple Cow lovers may find the following text deeply disturbing.
  
  Sadly la Vaca Lola is no longer here with us. She got executed the morning of Eid, to be cut and butchered right outside my window. A rather messy and bloody affair. Not something I wish to witness another year. Sob.
  
  …Moving on.
  
  
  

• Christmas is almost here! And we have a Tree. Yay!

                Merry Christmas Hohoho!

• And lastly this is something H said to me. Hmmm.

I: Ohhhh, I’m getting old.
H (not even flickering and nodding in agreeent!): Yes, and we will have to put you in the rubbish and buy a new Mama.
I: What?

Kids these days….

The FUN Theory

"Fun changes people's behaviour for the better"

Gotta love that.

Me Vely Vely Silly

Salam Salam,

Just when I had run out of ideas and topics for my blog, and was resorting to brainstorm sessions with A. on what I should be writing about next, then, myself happened. Surprise, surprise.

You know, I may not be very good with languages, but I pick up accents really, really, fast. I cannot explain how it happens or why; it’s like some kind of speech retardation that I suffer from. It takes me a minute of talking to someone and, Bingo! I borrow his accent. And it is an unconscious process too, only to realise when it is too late and can’t seem to shake it off!.

I can do Arabic Engrishhh, Filipino English, yes mam , Indian English, French anglais, you name it. It is most embarrassing when my interlocutor cannot speak good english, so I end up talking like a toddler myself , and not a very clever one.

Likewise with Spanish, I can do any accent just as easily. So If I am talking, say, to a Mexican, it is a matter of seconds before I start to sound like one myself. Weird, uh? But I swear I cant help it.

Moving on….

There is this Chinese mum to one of M's classmates that I always cross paths with on my way to the nursery . And today we stopped, standing right in the middle of the street, for a little small talk.

I cannot do small talk. I’m terrible with chitchat.

So, here we are, with a broken English and very strong Chinese accent, she is telling me how she spends her mornings doing some internet degree and blah blah blah, and before I know it I’m talking like a Chinese myself . And now I cannot get rid of it!

And thele was this leally awkward moment, when she stared at me, a bewildered look on hel face…And at that precise moment I could tell she was thinking: Is she making fun of my accent?.  For a split second I was about to confess:- Me no know why talk like that, me surle no mocking you, me so solly solly.

But I didn’t say anything and the split second passed and I kept babbling in Chinglish.

Shame on me, she vely nice, me vely vely silly.

Roasting

***Editor's note: Isa is very much  aware of the fact  that most of her readers don't give a cow's fart about the weather, therefore she has tried to keep this post as short as possible.

Ah, Autumn, that time of the year when weather turns into something somewhat bearable and one can breath with a little more ease.

Autumn. I have been waiting for it all year long.

Because if there is a time of the year when temperatures are comfortable in Cairo, that’s the period that goes from mid October to mid December.

So I was rather disappointed this morning as I checked http://www.accuweather.com/ and saw this:

'Unseasonably hot with scorching sunshine'

Worse yet, it will continue right till next week too.

We are going to roast like roasted chickens.

Gulp.

Gone Bananas

Bananas are ready, and I can prove it

Yuck, Yuck, Yuckity Yuck. There is no way I'm eating Thaaat.

El Niqab

You probably know the story by now, right? I’m talking about some Very Important Sheik banning Egyptian chicks from covering up their faces.

(If you  haven’t got the slightliest idea of what I’m talking about, Ill try  not to judge you, and I hope this link helps : http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8290606.stm )

So yeah, that has stirred a bit of a debate here lately. Personally, I couldn’t care less. Let the girl wear whatever she feels like wearing. I seriously cannot comprehend what’s the big deal.

I actually think Niqabs are great.

And here is why. Read on:

Isa's Top Five Wonderful Reasons to Keep You from Ditching the Veil

1- It blocks your sense of smell. - There are days that this reason alone would send anyone (Muslim or not) rushing to the nearest souk in search of a good thick niqab, two layers of flannel between your nostrils and Cairo’s air pollution and not so sweet smells of the streets.

2- You can move around incognito. Isn’t that fun?

3- No-one notices your spots, facial hair, moles or acne. - Yes, we (girls) are complicated like that. We’d rather stay locked in our rooms than face the world with an emerging yellowish spot or a suspicious shadow in the upper lip area that calls for immediate waxing. Covering up sounds like the perfect solution sometimes.

4- Stops diseases from spreading. - With all the health scares and paranoia around these days, one cannot cough or sneeze in public without getting some alarmed looks. Anyone down with the flu should cover his/her mouth and nose, and the veil works just fine for that purpose.

5-And most importantly: It is your right to wear whatever you feel comfortable with. And I really think that right shouldn’t be taken away.

Arabic for the Lazy Expat. Chapter Two.

ALA TUUL. YIMIIN. SHIMAAL. 

Hello People

Have you heard all those horror stories about taxis in Cairo?

Well, let me tell you something: they’re all real, true and tested.

Chances are, not only you’ll be sitting in a smelly and filth-covered back of a pile of metallic shit with wheels , praying for the your dear life as the driver speeds at 200km/h while constantly looking backwards hoping he may get lucky and catch a glimpse of your legs, but you will not, I repit, Will Not get to your destination unless You know how to get there.

And you’ll need to guide the taxi driver. In Arabic.

Enter the three magic words: Ala tuul (straight) Yimiin (right) Shimaal (left).

Regardless of where you are going, do not for a second over estimate the driver’s navigation skills and think they must somehow know how to get there. I once pre-booked a taxi to take me to the airport and wrongly assumed that he would know his way (since I specifically booked it to take me to the airport) . He didn’t. And to make matters worse he claimed that there were no airports in Egypt.

And remember: Drivers do not know how to read maps,  Drivers do not know street names and  Drivers do not know landmarks.